Chronosynclastic Infundibulum

That’s the two sentence summary of my mother’s half hour diatribe punctuated by my stifled protests.

It started with my uncle’s return from a US business trip. He reported back that in U.S., people take a liberal view of sex, and its common for people to have sex before marriage. My mother ok with it along with the caveat that since we in India have a different value system, the Indians who go there are not likely to indulge in sex outside/before marriage. As luck would have it, a double whammy followed very quickly!

My mother’s first cousin, and American citizen, dispelled my mother’s illusion. He told her that he has known many Indians to indulge in casual sex. That had my mother a fair bit concern. But the final nail was yet to be hammered.

One of my uncle’s pit stops en route his business trip was my apartment. Yup, that’s right, I hosted him over a weekend. From the weekend stay, he happened to get the idea that I was dating someone. Now, instead of being honest about it and talking to me first, he chose to go up to my mom and tell her. Now this was the final nail, and guess who has to suffer: me!

My mother is extremely sneaky when it comes to confronting people on issues. She never approaches the issue directly, its always along the side. She started with how beautiful my apartment was, and that she saw the photographs that my uncle took of me. Then she went on to talk about how weak I looked, and that I should take better care of myself. And very quickly she went for the kill.

She jokingly referred to my uncle’s suspicion of me dating someone. She followed that with stories of how people with bad’ character enjoy no respect, no matter how successful they are.I concurred, and I said, “yeah, I know many people who don’t think twice about lying to close a deal, or cheating someone else of their hard earned money to get themselves a few extra pennies.” She seemed confused, her tone betrayed her frustration that I hadn’t understood what she was talking about. Slowly it dawned on me that her idea of `bad’ character was all about pre-marital sex. I was a little flabbergasted by her attitude, but had little choice but indulge her.

She immediately came back to my uncle’s suspicions and confronted me. I was taken aback by her insinuation. I didn’t know where to begin! It was next to impossible to shout across the large chasm of a generation gap between us. Not for her though, she seemed generous with words on this one.

She went on to tell me that I had done everything she wanted me to do, and it would be a crying shame if I slipped on this last step. I almost choked on that. Did everything that she wanted me to do! That was a load of bullshit. So when was I supposed to do something that I wanted to do? Apparently never. Her next concern was of what people would say if whispers of `bad’ character were to float around.

So there it was, the reason for all this anxiety, it was all about what people would say. That is, in fact, the reason for everything that my mother did in her life actually. Sad, but true.

And her next argument was that she has the idea of what kind of girl she wanted me to marry (you see, though its my life, its never about me!), and that it would do her a great in justice if I had `bad’ character.
After that I tuned out, deliberately. I had bigger things to worry about then my mom’s remorseless ranting. As I was in active listening mode, I picked up on something she said. She said that its time she had to the talk with my brother too. Holy shit! I gotta warn him! So long folks, see you next time ’round.